I am now 26 days away from going to Hillsong! That realization is both exciting and a little scary. It is exciting because I know that this is where God is calling me to right now. I know that he has a bigger plan for me than I realize and that is incredibly humbling and exciting. I want my life to be used for Gods glory and I am humbled by the fact that God takes the small offering that is my life and chooses to use it.
Over the past few weeks though I have been feeling a lot of self doubt. My mind has been filled with fears of not making friends or reverting back to past tendencies. I am wanting so badly to do well while I am at school. I want to have healthy friendships with people who are pushing me toward God. I want to continue to grow in the passions that God has given me. And more than anything, I want to trust God fully with my life and the plans he has for me. But I have been plagued with the phrase,
"What if...?"
It wasn't until these past few days that I've realized that this is just one of the enemy's ways to get me to stop trusting God. I have been so focused on my fears that I have stopped seeking God. You know, the same God who tells us not to fear only like a zillion times in the Bible! The same God who started this journey in my life by saying, "Seek me and I will give you the desires of your heart."
It is amazing how the enemy knows right where our soft spots are. I also find it amazing how unoriginal he is. Have you ever noticed how everyone seems to struggle with some form of doubt or fear in their life. Abandonment, unworthiness... yet how we all feel like we are the only ones who struggle with it.
I realize that I have been distracted by a small and unoriginal enemy.
Did you realize that? The enemy is small. He has been defeated already. I tend to forget that.. That I am free because the blood of the perfect lamb, Jesus Christ, was spilt so that I could live free from the guilt and condemnation that the small enemy throws at us. I do not have to live in fear of my past or of anything that may happen in the future.
Somebody say "Hallelujah"!
So I am going into this last month of preparing to go to Hillsong with a renewed mindset. That the fears that I have been having are minuscule compared to my God. I will continue to seek God first in my life, and I refuse to let the enemy stand in my way.
Over the past few weeks though I have been feeling a lot of self doubt. My mind has been filled with fears of not making friends or reverting back to past tendencies. I am wanting so badly to do well while I am at school. I want to have healthy friendships with people who are pushing me toward God. I want to continue to grow in the passions that God has given me. And more than anything, I want to trust God fully with my life and the plans he has for me. But I have been plagued with the phrase,
"What if...?"
It wasn't until these past few days that I've realized that this is just one of the enemy's ways to get me to stop trusting God. I have been so focused on my fears that I have stopped seeking God. You know, the same God who tells us not to fear only like a zillion times in the Bible! The same God who started this journey in my life by saying, "Seek me and I will give you the desires of your heart."
It is amazing how the enemy knows right where our soft spots are. I also find it amazing how unoriginal he is. Have you ever noticed how everyone seems to struggle with some form of doubt or fear in their life. Abandonment, unworthiness... yet how we all feel like we are the only ones who struggle with it.
I realize that I have been distracted by a small and unoriginal enemy.
Did you realize that? The enemy is small. He has been defeated already. I tend to forget that.. That I am free because the blood of the perfect lamb, Jesus Christ, was spilt so that I could live free from the guilt and condemnation that the small enemy throws at us. I do not have to live in fear of my past or of anything that may happen in the future.
Somebody say "Hallelujah"!
So I am going into this last month of preparing to go to Hillsong with a renewed mindset. That the fears that I have been having are minuscule compared to my God. I will continue to seek God first in my life, and I refuse to let the enemy stand in my way.